Silence is...golden?

Wow, really? I never had a family dinner where we all were so quiet, and our faces were just full of emotion. Why do I get in trouble for telling you my plans for Saturday...you already know about Friday so Saturday why would it be sucha big deal about Jay and me going with daddy to our cousins birthday? It's not a big deal..you guys are going out anyways. And I can just have daddy drop us off at Lolas anyways. But then I get a lecture saying I always tell you guys things right after the other...well would you like me to tell you the day before? Then I still would get into trouble. -_____- Either way I still get in trouble. Then Junior, you being insensitive when I'm crying..yeah I am on my period, but please you don't need to rub  in my damn face. Thanks mom for actually letting him know he was being an ass. Then Junior here you are telling me that I am ONLY  a freshman and Brandon is a senior and how he'll be graduating soon and blah blah blah....YEAH I KNOW THAT. I just wish sometimes parents can be like, " fine i'll let you learn the hard way." I would much rather have them say that to me and let me learn, but I guess sometimes I do have to listen to what they have to say because I know there only looking out for me and they don't want to see me get hurt. But trust me, I'm not the average 14 year old.  Let me handle my relationship with Brandon MY WAY, but of course you guys are going to be there and guide me. Just sick of the whole freshman and senior thing. -_-  Throughout dinner, I was thinking about four years ago when my mom and Junior WERE happy, and what made me happy. Til now I know for a fact that my mom and Junior clearly are fading away. Makes me sad actually, and how one person is too stubborn to forgive.  Didn't touch a single noodle or shrimp on my plate, odd huh? I was busy looking down at my glass of water and picturing in my head all the things that make me content  and who or what made me  the person I am today..they are:

1. Parents- Mom, Daddy. Yes I am glad that you guys are not together anymore, because you guys found better spouses. And now you guys are better as friends. You two though have molded me into the person I am today. Mom no matter what I think of you or how angry I get YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER ONE! Daddy, words can't explain how happy I am to see you happy(=  You changed so much within last two years and you've proven alot to me and jay. I love you both so much. 

2. Junior aka step dad. You've been here for me and my brother ever since we were in day care. You took care of us when my dad wasn't there and you taught me from right and wrong. Despite all your lectures that I thought were so pointless, actually make so much sense. I think thats why my personality is so much like yours. You will always be here right no matter what happens to you and my mom!

3.  Oh brother! All the fighting we do and all the shouting, YOU KNOW I WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR BIG SISTER! but more your best friend. Eventhough we have this odd typa brotherly and sisterly relationship where we don't say I love you, hug, share, tell eachother any of our secrets...eventhough you are two years younger than me, but sure are mature. I love you though no matter what, and i'm here for you you know that.

4. Two and half months, close to three, but sure does feel longer. Through all the ups and downs, I have learned alot through you. You taught me so many things, and are still. Every time I am with you i feel this  feeling that everything is going to be okay, and that I'm safe. With my problems, your like my " SWEET ESCAPE"  I just wish that I was older and things sometimes wouldn't be so damn hard. I love you Brandon. 

5. Ride or die bitches, haha seriously though prolly my favorite girls. I'm so  glad that we got closer over this past year. Yeah there were problems between us. But some how we managed to fix it. You guys keep me sane inside and outside of school. I know that I can go to you guys for anything and won't judge me. No matter what happens, you guys are still my fave 5! 

6. Shit three years and still going and forever will go babes! My asian,nerdy tenor player best friend. hah Thought I forgot about you! NEVA EVA! Seriously, I dont need to hangout or talk to you every single gahd damn day to make our friendship work, cause   I know if  I needed you, you would be there in an instant.! Your so understanding, and your life is so perfect. I'm so jealous. hahah and I have so many problem and shit...but then theres you always hearing me out and me crying to you about boys, family, askfjdial. I love you bestfriend. thats wussup[=

7. What can I say about my favorite ultimate boys. hahah you guys are like brothers to me fsure. I'm so fucking glad we gotten closer, and our adventures in 8th grade, sadly we don' do that  as much as we used to but I know that I can tell you guys anything and will listen to me. I hope our friendship continues throughout highschool.

8. Sangcos. Yeah that name pretty much keeps me content. haha Just that side of my family. DRAMA FOR YO MAMA BUT SHIT WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO IT...WE GOT EACHOTHER. Some how I manage to keep happy when I am with you all. Not talking about our problems with eachother, but you guys all matter to me and taught me something. I love how you guys say I'm an old soul. Come to think of it...I think I am. 

9. This blog...seriously who ever created the term blog, diary, etc...THANK YOU! It really helps to vent or write out what you feel. I feel at ease now knowing what I was feeling or thinking is all written down on here. Thank you to whom ever created those terms and came up with a site. Very USEFUL! 

10. Every day I get up to the scratching at my door and its ZERO! My baby, bestfriend. haha seriously he is!(= He wakes me up at 4 in the morning to come in to my room and lay with me. When I get home hes so excited to see me, and when its time for me to go he just sits by the door. He makes me so happy  and makes everything better at home when things aren't so so good. He is my problem solver, but most importantly my only 3 legged dog I adore and I wouldn't have it anyother way,

Your crazy if you read all this.!