rough day/night.

summer hasn't really hit me. I guess it's because of summer school,volleyball,plus  lately i've been feeling so sleepy. BUT I will start my summer this weekend plus next week!  So much has been bothering me, and I don't know how to say it, so instead i'll just blog about it. 

1. I kinda had a feeling you were a new person. I know you're growing up and all and gonna be a big boy pretty soon but seriously you doing that to yourself just hurts you more. But like I said we all make decisions in life and you just choose to do the wrong thing, if that's what makes you happy and feel good by all means continue to do so, just know this i'll get the last laugh and tell you "i told you so." Cause what you are doing your only using it to heal from sadness, which you say its me, but i dont know why you have to be sad. i told you that your at a better place and things will turn out good for you, but you're just something else now. I just hope your "new homies" that you roll with now look out for you. Just like you said the other day. We clearly do not know each other anymore..and I am happy to agree with you on that. We don't. So i'd rather pretend we had nothing at all. Best wishes to ya.

2. My horoscopes keep telling me things that seem to be true. I may be just over analyzing and I tend to do that ALOT! -_- But i dont know i feel like this time it's a bit diffferent. The only person that knows wsssup is Jen. This girl is my fuckin ride or die bitch! These past two days in class with her we gotten ALOT CLOSER, more than before. She's practically my fuckin other half!

3. I really hate being the eldest and hate bein put in this kinda position. Choosing whether or not I want to be with my dad for the rest of the summer or stay with my mom but yet still go to my dads. My mom and I had a LONG, EMOTIONAL, SILENT, AWKWARD, conversation. I told her how I felt and of course she didn't like it. It just frustrates me that she tells me she is okay with what I wanna do, and she will respect it but clearly it's not okay. I have to make this decision for my brother and myself! Do i hurt the most important person in my life or do i do what i want and go be with my dad. Sometimes i wish it was easy, sometimes i wish i would just live by myself.  I know that's not in my power to do so. I  am so confused on what I want or need. I know god won't judge me, but i really hate hurting my mom's feelings. It's so hard because she is very stubborn when it comes to her kids. She wish she had my brother and me all to herself and I know for a fact that when i told her that me and my dad were better and i'm starting to open up to him you could tell she was quite sad, jealous. -_______-  i dont know too much for me to handle. i just want the weekend to come already. 

I love my parents I do.

but sometimes I wish i wasnt put in this position.