DEAR HIM

I feel confused, hopeless, and unsure of what is going on. Could you please explain to me what is happening? I mean I thought everything was good, and I know you still need adjustment i guess, but i thought we would be able to fix things quicker and become that loving, cute couple. now i feel strange and weird things happening to us. i dont know if im just overreacting, but i know your not the same person. the guy i knew would be loving and at least text me once in awhile to say i love you and miss you. now he doesnt anymore. the guy  i knew 4 months ago would get over things quickly and makeup with me. but now its like your holding some type of grudge on me. and everytime i feel like talking to you about how i feel it ends up into an argument. its like you dont want to listen to what i have to say and i cry because i feel like your blowing it off.  i understand you say your not going to be clingy, but now that im trying to call you or text you seems like you dont like it? im just confused now with what is going on. i feel like this isnt real or your with me for right now. and you saying i love you...do you? now your unsure about going with me to the game? thats really disappointing to hear. i would have thought you would be so happy and down to go. but its like i guess you dont. i would love to share that one ticket with you because it would be our first game together. i guess your not hurting or thinking about what im thinking. i just dont know anymore and i dont know what this is telling us. im unsure now of everything. 

 somebody please tell me what the fuck love is...because i SWORE i knew. i Swore. tell me what love is and why its so beautiful when all humans want is something "new" why do we long that "fresh" feeling when we wont always be like that? why is it that love is put on such a pedestal when it seems no one wants to be in love? why is that things seem to get worse when love comes into play? i am aware that in so many ways it gets better, but it seems that by the time your in love, only ONE of the opposite people in love actually SEES the better. I seriously dont know what to do anymore. Is this a sign that god is telling me? telling us? 

I care about this boy way too much, that before it sometimes didnt show and my actions and words didnt play well as i thought it should have. I made so many mistakes, but lets not make my mistakes me a downfall for this relationship. we created so many memories from a little bit over 8 months? met you in aug and dated for a bit, got with you in october and now already its a downfall? I'm not good at this typa stuff i guess. I guess you can have it your way. I just wish you would be the same or at least tell me whats up. I feel your shutting me out and you dont want this anymore. you say you do, well show me please? if your saying you dont need to show it because you have already, thats pretty ballsy of you. We said we would start over and not go back in time. Well im ready to start over and change my ways. but if your not ready to start over let me know please. I just hate being unanswered and not communicating to each other. it sucks to be thinkin this because its 12 days before my birthday and im stressed out about our problems than what i need to be stressed out about. with whatever you choose, i'll respect that. but im not giving up on us yet until you tell me other wise. 

-misa rachele