Dearest You,
I bet your getting sick of me telling you how I feel and what I think, but really I don't care because I need to vent it out and I think this is the only way of doing so. I can yell at you, cuss, fight, argue, have so many people talk to you but it won't change your mind! I never knew how much I did care for someone? Was it cause you went to my school, was it because you knew what to say to me in the beginning, was it because you stole my heart, was it because you cute moments and things you did got to me, was it because of the way you asked me to homecoming, was it because you showed me how to take pictures using your camera, was it because you were shy to hold my hand at first, was it because I fought with you so many damn times thinking I didn't give a shit but REALLY I DID! and now WE'RE OVER! I never knew this would hurt as much until things are said and done. There is nothing I can do to fix this, even though I wish there was. It's pretty funny because in the relationship I seemed to be the strong one and I don't need a man to make me happy. That is true, but for some reason YOU make me happy. Everyone keeps telling us to move on forget about him, forget about her. But I know thats hard for the both of us to just forget about each other even though we WISH we could. I've been thinking a lot about our situation because I thought there might've been a way to get you back but there is nothing. It's like memories in my head about you, us, our dream I just can't stop thinking about. You are not here with me and I don't know what to do. I just never thought this would be. It ended way too soon then I imagined. They say if you love someone than you should fight for them, but if you love someone you should let them go and let them go on. I love you to let you go, I guess I am done fighting for you for US. This whole time i've been fighting for us and it seems like you cared at one point until you gave up. I remembered you said," I will fight for you even if you broke up with me cos I love you way too much." I guess what I'm tryna say is the next time I am in a relationship I don't want to hear "forever" words or forever type sayings. Unless you prove me wrong. Two relationships has been enough for me right now. I do wish that me and my first relationship still kept in touch but we don't as much, and I just don't want to make the same mistake with this one. You, yes YOU! It makes me sad to know that your leaving school in a month. It makes me sad that our friendship isn't what I imagined. It makes me sad to see you act like a different person. It makes me sad that time is running out and summer your gone for drum line and we didn't even get to spend our last days with each other. It makes me sad to know that prom isn't with me it's with someone else. It does make me jealous and I know you heard me yell it to you and tell you over and over, but I wish I was your date to prom no matter what went down between us. You say you wish I did go with you, well it doesn't seem like it. It is sad to know that the person who I claimed to love is spending his last dance with someone else while me thinks about what can go down. When it is your senior year, you should live it up because I don't want to hold you back. I just don't know what to say or do anymore. It's a circle with this thing. It really is. You push me away then you come back to me and take me in. -_- I let you do this to me because I need to be reminded of the way you kissed me the way you held me just all those! And I know it hurts me inside and out and I know im stupid for letting you do that but I guess i'd rather have you do that to me so I can feel those butterflies again.But once your gone it'll be hard but I think easier and faster to get over us and you. I'm TRYING so hard to be friends with you I am but it is so hard to and you give me reasons to hate you, push me away and make me hurt 10x more. It sucks to know other girls are after you and its completely fine because who wouldn't be? Just try to find a way not to rub it in my face please. I really thought we could be those typa bestfriends since we did have a relationship and me thinkin we could still text 24/7 and still call at night to talk about our day and random things like that. I guess that is a bad idea though. I don't know why I can't just move on so quickly and think about the bright side. Why did I kid myself to thinkin' this would be different then before? Maybe its cos my family liked him and found him to be a good guy, maybe its cos every day at school you would walk me and hold my hand and tell me all these cute things. It's the way you held me its all those things you did for five months and now its a complete memory. There is no way to forget about it, not right now I surely can't. I am out of words all I want to say is I am thankful for what we shared.
-misa
No comments:
Post a Comment