Call me physco!

I am a physco bitch as you tell me. YOU made me though. I know I should have just not excepted your letter and read it, but I fuckin' read it and it made me go crazy. I am not about to waste my breath and time into something that is not worth it. I can't explain to you how much I am hurting.  You obviously don't give a damn that I am. Who knows maybe you like to get a reaction out of me and you love seeing me cry.  Why am I continuing to hurt and feel like crap. I thought this was the best thing for me, I thought I was the stronger person? I thought I could move on faster. But  just can't right now. My mind is here at school but my heart isn't.  I am scared that my self confidence, and the image of myself is starting to suffer. What I mean is that from all these harsh things we tell each other and what you tell me make me feel low and make feel not worthy. I feel like I was a big mistake. I know I went crazy on you and really I had every right to. You are lucky I didn't do other damage because I would have. Thank you to Adolfo and Jonathan Chu for actually being my first hugs of the day to make me feel better. It meant a lot because I feel like no one understands me, maybe they do but for some reason I feel like my friends aren't helping me. I need my friends to not just give me advice but for them to cheer me up and hug me. Today YOU were basically no help. I am trying to make things between us go back to the way it was after what went down. But I can't because now I feel like well you and him are good now so I can't allow myself to open up to you. I know we drifted and I know it's not the same. WHY? Well because we both have different set of friends and we are not as opened as I thought we were. I tell/told you things that a "bestfriend" would do, but as for YOU, you never did. Not going to dwell on what happened, but I need you to not just look at me like, "aw misa" or "he's a jerk" or "I guess were ok now" like I don't need you to look or tell me!  Can't you like hug me one day and tell me that "everything will be okay." I NEED SOMEONE TO DO THAT TO ME. NOT TELL ME OR GIVE ME A FACE LIKE AW. BUT FUCKIN SLAP ME OR HUG ME AND TELL ME TO SHUT UP! I NEED THAT! This whole day was a downer for me. Really it was. I need this weekend to come already. It's harder than what you think. I am trying though I am.  Last class of the day made me realize  a lot though. That when your in a situation of conflict it is always best to have a win win situation. Trying to talk things out and compromise with the person instead of yelling beating or cussing them out will not do the situation any good. -__-  Pretty much true. My seventh period also nominated me for crazy laugh, best smile, and kevin nominated me for "playgirl" -__- Thanks Kevin. 

*The best feeling today was walking by myself to dolphin bay. It made me clear my mind and made me think that I am not a bad person nor a horrible person. It was great to have some piece and quiet to myself. Plus I never walk by myself especially the streets! One step at a time is all. 

Call me crazy please do because I do not care. Someone show me that they can handle a crazy bitch, loud mouth mother effer, it don't matter to me cause all I want is someone who doesn't understand me, but is willing to take the time to UNDERSTAND my strange acts.