"feeling of neverending?"

Lets just say I woke up to something my mom had never seen. Yelling, crying, etc. My stomach is not feeling so well. Have you felt like that where your stomach just turned upside down and you have these bad butterflies. Yeah well I have that. It's been like this since Saturday night. I HATE this feeling, I HATE how I am dwelling on this situation. I HATE how I am putting myself down. I HATE how I let him walk all over me. I HATE this is happening to me. I HATE that I can not stop talking about it, thinking about this whole situation which means him also. Did I ask for this God? God help me see that he is a good guy and that he just has flaws like everyone else. Maybe he just doesn't mean for any of this? I have no clue, but I NEVER wanted to be the fool or the one to be hurt. I guess karma is a bitch? God I ask you to guide me, and to help me regain my strength, happiness again. I DO NOT like feeling worthless. God give me the wisdom to walk away. Acting, being, feeling depressed, not eating, not smiling. Do you understand? I feel like no one can hear me or might not know what I am feeling, going through. I know me talking about this gets old and believe me I hate talking about him and what happened. I just do not know how to walk away, at least not now. I blame myself for walking into this relationship with my eyes closed and not observing anything. Why does this feel like a nightmare? I thought you were supposed to be my fairytale, but I guess this is a farewell.  My mom is right. I am TOO YOUNG to be dealing with this type of crap. It's not good for my heart nor myself she says. ( I guess she is right) I need to learn that there is no fairy tale. I need to learn to get myself back up and except who he is and what he is like. Like I said I would rather have me hurt than him hurting. I KNOW I do not deserve this. With this situation going on all I need and all I have are my friends, family, God.  Sure a guy can bring me happiness, but not ALWAYS. God all i ask is let him be kind, let him know that what he is doing will catch up to him, but let him know that he is a good guy and he doesn't mean for any of this. Let him know he is loved and wanted. Let him know that I still and always will care for him. I just need to be happy especially now living the single life. 

"Being single is a time of your life when you can get to know yourself better. You can pursue different interest and passions without having to ask another person's approval. It is a phase when you can keep focus on other things, discover your potentials and talents, and see yourself become more than what you expect to be. Allow yourself to surprise you. Stop wasting precious energy trying to figure out why you're still romantically unattached. It's all in the mind. Take the time to go see your friends, spend time with your family, do charity work and you will realize that you are not, and never for one moment, was alone. Try to get to know yourself first before you try to get to know other people. To be truly loved means to be known and accepted for who you are. How do you expect other people to know you and to love you, when you don't know who and what you really are? "

Sorry if i am isolating or not myself this week. Trust me it's nothing personal, but I guess I just need  time to myself. 

Sidenote-  no more history tests or quizzes! Oh and I am a little bit scared about these earthquakes! 

-misa